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Achievable Running Resolutions for 2013

Each year, on New Year’s Day, I go with my beloved Essex Running Club to the 9/11 Memorial overlooking NYC and state my running goals for the year. If I could think of anything geekier to admit, I can’t imagine it right now. But when it comes to achieving these goals, my “track record”—as it were—is dubious at best. Frankly, I’m tired of setting myself up to fail. Therefore, this year, I’m “resolved”—as it also were—to set more realistic, even likely goals for 2013. Here are just a few…

-I will find running shoes I love that don’t hurt my feet and make me feel like I’m flying. I will go back to buy a second pair and learn the company no longer makes that model. One week later, my dog will destroy the pair I have.

-I will injure myself in a way heretofore considered impossible or so banal no one can quite imagine it even happened. Examples include “stepping off the elevator funny” or “somehow twisting something while sitting on the can.”

-I will cut out new core workouts from Running Times Magazine and put them in a folder marked, “Core Workouts.” I will never do these exercises.

-I will spend too much time away from home running. When I am home, I will be too tired from running to be any fun.

-I will PR a race where I exceed my wildest expectations and my only thought will be that I could have done better if I’d just sucked it up more.

-When I get depressed at work, I resolve to engage in retail therapy at Fleet Feet. I will buy things I don’t need, but rationalize that I’m supporting the community. Plus John gave me a Champagne flute marking the store’s 25th anniversary so technically I owe him. The free wool gloves from Ashenfelter 2-years ago also make me feel indebted. Like a coal miner earning scrip at the company store, I will never be able to pay him back fully.

-I will set my alarm ever earlier for morning workouts that I will not get out of bed for. The alarm will wake my wife and child so I have to get up anyway and do chores.

-After a race, I will save the four safety pins “just in case.” I will keep them with the other 200+ safety pins from prior races.

-I will wake for a run with my friends during a blizzard featuring 90-mile-an-hour winds, sleet and giant hail stones. I will not be able to imagine anyone else showing up. When I get there, everyone else will all be in shorts.

-I will run a race where the shirt’s okay if only it didn’t have so many logos.

-I will have friends – runners and non-runners alike – forward me links to an article in the Wall Street Journal saying running is unhealthy and possibly fatal. In spite of incontrovertible findings, I will continue to run, but with more anxiety.

-I will have insomnia, a stomach flu and Typhoid Fever the night before a race. I will PR by 4 minutes.

-I will inadvertently laugh on a long run when Randy Miller pretends to accidentally crash into a street sign. I stress this laughter will be inadvertent.

-I will stop for water at Brookdale on a Sunday morning run and forget to restart my Garmin. This will happen at least 11 times during the year.

-I will get lost driving to a race in Jersey City, even though I’ve been there 3 times.

-After hearing about a good friend’s bad race I will be very consoling, but secretly glad if he/she is in my age group.

-On a long run, I will be forced to pee outside somewhere I shouldn’t. Hopefully this year it’s only pee. Don’t ask me about 2010!

-I will force myself to run through all kinds of pain, threaten to quit and wish I’d never started this stupid sport. In the end I will conclude it’s all totally worth it.

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